Raising Kids on a Farm or in a Neighborhood?

We struggled mightily with the decision five years ago about whether to actually move from a fabulous neighborhood to try farm life. Now we’re debating whether this is the best place to raise our kids during the second half of their childhood (which makes me want to cry just to think about how fast time is moving!). Since we’re now veterans of both vastly different lifestyles, I’m sharing our pros and cons of each to help other families who might be facing a similar decision!

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We struggled mightily with this decision five years ago: raise our kids in a neighborhood, or give farm life a chance and move to the country. Apparently it’s one that quite a few parents grapple with, as I soon discovered from scouring the internet that while many people had posed the question, there were only a few people who could provide answers.

Now that we’ve lived out here for four years, we are having the debate all over again in reverse. There are things we truly love about life on the farm, but as our kids are getting a bit older and our lives have evolved, we’re wondering if it’s the right season for us to move back. My hope is that by outlining our experiences and opinions for the world, it gives me some clarity about what is best for our little family.

As I list the pros and cons below, there are a few things to consider particularly if you’re a new reader. We have four children, ages 6, 7, 10, and 12. When we moved to the farm they ranged in age from 2-7, so our stage of life has definitely changed. When we moved here I was also staying at home, and now I’m back at work part time. Lastly, our kids attend our public schools AND play sports (with these I feel like we may definitely be in the minority among homesteading families – quite a few choose to homeschool and limit organized activities).

FARM LIFE: THE PROS

Room to Explore.

Our kids are wild. Truly wild. They can wander down to the woods, far away where I can’t see them. Those wildlings will immerse themselves for hours building forts in the fall and the spring and can spend hours splashing through our shallow pond to catch frogs.

Turning Farm-ish Dreams into Reality.

We’ve built several gardens, a chicken coop, beehives, a massive fenced backyard, a mini soccer field, a vineyard, and even have plenty of room for each child to plant their own little garden. Our closest neighbor has horses and allows us to freely help with their care, and she offers riding lessons! If we had endless time and money, we could do SO MUCH with this space. And as our kids grow, we (theoretically) can adapt the farm to their interests.

Chores and Responsibilities.

We have chickens that need feeding and watering, owned pigs for awhile, and have a looooong driveway when the trash needs to go out. Vegetables need to be planted and tended, weeds need to be pulled, and the list goes on. There is a lot of opportunity for kids to take responsibility for different aspects of life in the country, and from it learn responsibilities that they just won’t have in the suburbs.

It’s Beautiful.

So many mornings I wake up to a view of a mist covered pond and a beautiful sunrise. We can watch the sunset every night, we can see a sky full of stars anytime we want. There are acres of wildflowers in the spring, flocks of birds in the fall. It is gorgeous. There is no neighborhood anywhere that comes close.

Farm life is HARD in a way nothing else is.

We’ve walked to the coop to discover headless chickens left by a raccoon. We’ve had baby chicks die in our hands. I’ve had to kill birds because they were suffering, tears streaming down my face as I told my children what I needed to do. We’ve chased a giant hawk out of the chicken run after he ate one of our favorite ladies. My kids have helped raise and butcher meat chickens. We’ve raised pigs and loved them, knowing all along they were going to slaughter. I’ve been attacked by our own honeybees when a few rogue workers got STUCK IN MY SUIT. Smashed fingers nailing roofing nails to shingles.

There are so many hard life lessons that we learn out here. Our kids have been exposed to a lot that I hope will give them a broad perspective on the fragility of life and health and the giant web that connects it all. None of it would have happened in a neighborhood.

FARM LIFE: THE CONS

Time and Money.

These things may already be in short supply once you start a family, but let me tell you. They become more of a challenge as your kids grow up. We moved to the farm in late 2019, mere months before Covid. During our year at home, when I didn’t have to drive kids to school or activities, we had endless time. Thanks to stimulus checks, we also had extra money. Life wasn’t good by all measures, but it was a great time to build the farm!

Fast forward to 2023 when we have four kids ages 5-11, all playing sports and wanting to see friends, all eating crazy amounts of food that’s gone up in price, I’m back to work part time, and our time and money for the farm are non-existent.

SO much time driving.

We live about 15 minutes from town, 20 minutes from the grocery store, 20 minutes from my work, and 20-25 from our friends. When you add it all up, I spend 3-4 hours a day in the car driving. I hate it and I feel like it’s all I do besides work and housework. We don’t even live that far from things.

What I’ve learned is that the Instagram worthy homesteads with loads of children mostly homeschool. We’ve chosen to attend our public schools and involve our kids in sports. I think the driving associated with this is probably a big factor – I just don’t have the time to spend tending the farm that a stay at home mom and homeschooling family would have.

Long bus rides.

Again, this is hard for us because we attend public school. Pippa just started middle school, and she catches the bus SO early (like 2 hours before school starts) for a 1.5 hours bus ride. Fortunately I pick her up after sports in the evening so she only does this once a day, but living in the country often means your kids will deal with longer bus rides.

No friends close by.

When we lived in a neighborhood, there were kids our age around many afternoons. We walked to one another’s houses for toddler playtime, our kids played on the way home from the bus stop, and we could walk a few houses down to have an epic snowball fight. Now our friends live at least a 20 minute drive away. While we’ve made a dedicated effort to see those friends from our old neighborhood on a weekly basis, it is definitely not convenient. And our school friends all live 20 minutes away, making playdates a tough thing to manage.

WHAT WE MISS THE MOST ABOUT A NEIGHBORHOOD

Proximity to everything and a sense of close community.

Not all neighborhoods are created equal, but the neighborhood we used to live in was so great. I always questioned if we were making the right choice, because I loved it. The pool was a 10 minute drive. The bus stop was a 2 minute walk. Friends were a few minutes walk away and we could just walk to Halloween festivities instead of driving (see our minivan down there? We’re the honorary neighbors, but how I wish we could still just walk there).

I also miss that so many close friends were all right there. We had cookouts, birthday parties, halloween… all the things. If I had an emergency, I could drop my kids at a neighbor’s on a moment’s notice. Out here on the farm, we have one neighbor I can call on. No family nearby. I miss my extended network terribly. I have been pleasantly surprised by the number of “neighbors” that will drive up our driveway to say hi out here and offer basically anything. They are good people, but it’s not a “hey let’s have a campfire and s’mores tomorrow night” kind of friendship. And I miss that.

I also miss walking. I could walk the dog or go for a run on safe streets. Here I can walk the dog around the farm, but I don’t enjoy that as much (and it requires that we mow a path for half the year). I run on the roads, but there’s no shoulder and they are 50 mph, so while the countryside is beautiful, I’m still a woman running by herself with no one around, and it’s not my preference.

WOULD WE DO IT AGAIN?

This is the hardest question. As John likes to remind me, we had this itch to farm for YEARS. We dreamed it and made it happen, and if we hadn’t done that the itch may have always existed. We’ve had some really tough things happen in our short time here, and I’ve discovered that going through hard life events can change you as a person.

Where I was once so passionate about growing our food and documenting all this beauty, I’m finding that I now crave time and community. Time to just get everything done; time to be creative; time to go for walks and runs; time to do something for myself (although I think that may be years away). A few years ago I was into watching YouTube videos by Shaye over at the Elliott Homestead. Now we’re discovering that instead of pulling weeds and battling fire ants, our family thrives on travel, adventuring in nature, and spending time with friends (and not spending hours in a car to do so!).

As it turns out, we are not homebodies. But maybe we’ve only discovered this by navigating a path that’s woven with hardships- one that’s changed our priorities and our perspective. Maybe if our life circumstances hadn’t changed, we would be perfectly content to continue homesteading.

Moral of the story: DO THE HARD. We were never meant for constant comfort, and to truly understand ourselves and expand our horizons we chose the unconventional option.